life

Be Right Back

So, it’s been a week y’all!

Last Tuesday, not wholly unexpectedly, I lost my job. But, this is me, so I started applying elsewhere by Wednesday. On Thursday I arranged an interview for Friday morning. In that interview, I was told they planned on having their shortlist for second-round interviews by Monday.

That… is not what happened; they decided they didn’t need to see me a second time, they turned round and offered me the job earlier this week.

And that job is in Exeter so I will be officially moving in with Li by the end of this month

flails and runs round like a headless chicken

I’ll be back some point late September once the dust has settled and I’ve found an entire new life rhythm

life

The Llama came back

Hello internet!

Apologies for the disappearing over the last 6 weeks or so. It’s been a rough time. My mental health tanked a bit in the last couple of weeks of my old job and the place I was working showed their true colours with regards to how they viewed disabled employees and accessibility.

I started my new job just over a month ago and so far so good – the learning curve is very steep, they do AP very differently to anywhere I’ve worked before. The people all seem lovely and I’m starting to get my confidence back, so that’s a good thing.

The last couple of weeks though have been very hard on my mental health. The anniversary of my dad’s death, the date that would have been his birthday AND Mother’s Day all falling pretty close together.

And because that wasn’t enough (or possibly because I was so stressed) I managed to get sick on top of it. Fun times y’all

I’ve been taking the best care of myself that I can – not pushing myself too hard, resting as much as I can – and I think I’m starting to come out the other side. My overall mood is starting to improve and my mood swings are less frequent, although I’m still exhausted.

I think my main goal for April is going to be ‘find the new morning/evening routines’, get back into the blogging routine, and ramble at length about the books I’m enjoying again – because somehow I’ve already read 23 books this year, and am close to finishing about 8 more!

life · weekly wednesday blogging challenge

Documentaries I’ve enjoyed (and a quick life update)

To catch y’all up, I’ve been in a lot of pain for the last couple of weeks. There have been calls to 111 – the NHS non-emergency line. There has been a visit to a Minor Injuries Unit. And I’ve had to register as a temporary patient at my partner’s GP in Devon – where I’ve been stuck for the last month. I saw an Advanced Nurse Practitioner last Friday who did a full physical exam and diagnosed me with piriformis syndrome with sciatica, and trochanteric bursitis. She prescribed me a month’s worth of 10mg amitriptyline, 30mg codeine (not co-codamol this time, straight codeine) and 500mg naproxen. She tells me to rest, gives me ‘gentle’ stretching exercises to do, and she also signed me off work ‘for two weeks to start with’ – I’d honestly only wanted a letter or something that confirmed I was being treated in Devon, and couldn’t drive, but now I get to properly relax, let the drugs work and my body heal

When I’m just sitting, as long as I don’t move too quickly, it’s easy to forget that I’ve been in excruciating pain. With the pain pills, it’s mostly dialled down to a deep ache – with the odd muscle spasm and pins and needles in either my foot or my bum. And can I just say that that is a weird sensation in your bum, that point where when your foot has been to sleep, it’s waking up and about to tip into pins and needles? That, in your butt is weird.

I’d say when the meds are all worky and I’m being mindful of what I’m doing, the pain is at about a 3-4 (sometimes distracts me), but when they wear off or I forget myself, it’s at about a 5-6 (hard to ignore, interrupts some activities). Though when you consider 4 weeks ago it was a 9, and a week ago it was a 7, I’m getting there slowly. I’m still uncertain if I’ll be able to drive home next week or if I’ll be getting another sick note, but there’s a whole other week to go. The swelling in my thigh appears to have gone down though so I’m taking the small wins!

The meds are still making me a little woozy and wobbly. I’m making sure to keep moving regularly and I’m doing my stretches every day. I’m not getting a huge amount of reading done because my concentration isn’t great. I’m working through organising my tags on Dreamwidth and posting a bunch of memes. Mostly, I’ve been getting a bunch of colouring done – apparently, that’s the current hobby du jour

This week’s Weekly Wednesday Blogging Challenge is about A Documentary I Liked and I don’t know where to start. I watch a lot of documentaries – mostly (and I’m sure you’re shocked) history and science ones.

I enjoyed Alien Worlds on Netflix and Year Million on Disney+. American Ripper, which investigated the theory that Jack The Ripper & HH Holmes were the same person, was fascinating

BBC Horizon documentaries are just CLASS. I mean, BBC documentaries in general are utterly fantastic. There was a Chris Packham one about T-Rex which was brilliant, and there was one about the weather on other planets. So was The Genius Of Modern Life with Hannah Fry.

Li and I have been working our way chronologically through all the available David Attenborough shows available on iplayer and they have all been fucking fantastic. And so many of them completely groundbreaking for their day. That man is a national treasure and should be protected at all costs. Also, how does he clamber around in rainforests, jungles and deserts and his clothing still pristine white? Even the planet recognises his importance LOL

If you have any documentary recs, please feel free to share them!

life

School update

I can’t believe I forgot to post this: I passed A229 with 79%, a Grade 2 Pass which I am absolutely fucking thrilled about!

My final essay, which I was super proud about?
I got 87.5% on it!
And the feedback I got was INCREDIBLE!
Your consideration of the primary sources demonstrates an excellent knowledge and understanding of the sources and you do well to make some comparisons between different sources to illustrate some of your points
You have produced an excellent argument that does well to consider a wide range of points in relation to the question and to explore the sources and scholarship that you have been studying
You have made an excellent use of the secondary scholarship both in terms of using the articles and in terms of drawing on your module learning.

I just… FLAILS

I’m starting to think that justmaybe I might actually be able to do this whole ‘getting a degree’ thing.
Y031 Access Module 80%
A111 Discovering the Art & Humanities 76%
A112 Cultures 86%
A229 Exploring the classical world 79%

I think I’ve said this already but I’m taking the 2023/2024 academic year off because I’m getting a little burned out. I’m taking a break before the world enforces one on me, this is one I’m learning. But then in October 2024 I’m planning on doing A223 Early modern Europe: society and culture c.1500-1780 and y’all I am already super excited about it! šŸ˜€

life · stacking the shelves

New Bookstore

I am feeling very very VERY proud of myself today. Completely exhausted and worn out, body and soul, but also on top of the world.

The Book-ends, a new indie bookstore opened in Wellington today. I’ve been waiting for a few weeks, since the window blind and sign went up, and I’ve been cheering them along on social media. They announced a full day worth of events – including a talk by a children’s book illustrator – and sold a limited number of tickets which got you Ā£10 off a book, an exclusive stamp in the book, plus coffee and cake. I bought myself a ticket because I figured it would mean I couldn’t talk myself out of going.

I got into town a couple of minutes before the ‘official opening’, with the cutting of the ribbons… and the heavens opened. It was pissing it down. So they did an ‘inside out’ opening, with everyone who had a ticket in the store. I had a moment of ARGH because I forgot to open the Eventbrite app on my phone and I never get a signal in town, but Richard (one of the owners, along with his wife Marcy) greets me by name which can I just say was absolutely fucking cool!

They had a DJ playing some cool jazzy music – a touch too loud, but I’d got my headphones so I was good. Everyone was talking to everyone, and I managed to not only talk to people I didn’t know, but I also joined their bookclub and am still interacting with them on Facebook! I picked up two books, The Lost Bookshop by Evie Woods and Tales of Troy and Greece by Andrew Lang (what was I supposed to do, leave it on the shelf?!)

The shop is being bookstore and performing arts space, and both Richard & Marcy are creative types. Marcy, who has ‘ sung on stages around the world combining jazz, soul, gospel and hip-hop influences’ did a small acoustic set which turned into a super fun sing-along.

I then went for lunch (!!) with Gill, one of the women I’d met that morning. We went to the Gratitude Cafe next door to the Book-Ends, which is somewhere I’ve been wanting to try for probably years at this point but… well… anxiety, you know? I did make Gill aware of my agoraphobia (she was stunned that I was doing this opening, I mean so was I!) and we managed to find a table, in a corner, so my back was against the wall but I had a clear line of sight to the door. I had a fantastic stack of pancakes with bacon, sausage and a fried egg.

In the afternoon, the award-winning children’s book illustrator Dapo Adeola read one of his books and gave a talk. I picked up one of the books he co-created & illustrated, Look Up! which he signed for me.

I then stumbled home, completely exhausted but seriously on Cloud 9. I couldn’t believe I not only went to a space I didn’t know, but talked to people I didn’t know and stayed out all day.

life

Yuletide Greetings

Happy Yule y’all, and blessings for the New Year. Or, as Li puts it – Merry Everything and a Happy Always šŸ™‚

It’s our second Christmas together and we’re still figuring out what that looks like for us. We’ve both spent many years alone and had our own traditions, we’re still blending them and working it all out. And of course, with her dad still in the hospital, we’re now changing it up again tomorrow because we’re going to have her mum over.

But we’re going to be making beef in the slow cooker, potatoes roasted in bacon fat, honey-roasted parsnips, Yorkshire puddings, pigs in blankets, and probably carrots and peas. We have Christmas cake and Christmas pudding and mince pies… and more cheese and chocolate than you can shake a stick at. I have next week off work and I believe the plan is essentially chilling, studying, reading and gaming. A whole lot of relaxing after the stress of the last few weeks.

Tonight we’re doing the Icelandic thing – we’ve bought each other like giant hoodie robe things, they come down to the knee and they’re lovely and snuggly. Li’s has the Grinch, mine has sleeping pandas. We’re snuggled down on the couch, Li is currently partaking in Toy Day on Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Later, we’ll make ourselves large mugs of hot chocolate and settle down with books and/or gaming. Li bought me Love On The Brain and I bought her World Of Warcraft: Sylvanus

I also treated myself to Harvest Moon: Light Of Hope in the Nintendo festive sale. It was 70% off, what was I supposed to do? LOL

life · site

‘Books and ADHD and bears, oh my!’ (Spoilers: may not contain actual bears)

So… it’s been a few weeks since I last posted again, and I wanted to talk a little about why that is and how my ADHD affects my reading.

The biggest thing over the last month has been a shiny new hyperfixation. Hyperfixation, for anyone who doesn’t know, is a trait of ADHD that means intense focus on a particular thing for an extended period of time. After wanting one for a couple of years, I finally bought myself a Nintendo Switch in the pre-Black Friday sales. And promptly fell down the rabbit hole of Animal Crossing: New Horizons. It is wonderful and I am in love. I have many many issues with Tom Nook – the fucking crook. I signed up for a deserted island, and found that 2 people were moving there with me, along with Timmy, Tommy and Nook himself. Then Blathers – admittedly, he’s wonderful – and his museum moved in. I’ve got my house and done the first two upgrades, currently working on paying off getting a second room. And somehow… somehow I’ve been conned into building a shop for Timmy & Tommy and now… Now I’m building THREE HOMES for more people to move to the island?! I didn’t get a fucking furnished house – no, I got a tent.
I LOVE THIS GAME.

Another way ADHD affects my reading is that – as you’ve probably noticed – I’m great at starting books. The finishing thing? Not so much. And once again, I hit the point where I had over 25 books in progress, all my library books were suddenly due back and I got really stressed out. Reading stopped being fun and I was really overwhelmed, and knowing that I wanted to be writing about the books I was reading made it feel like extra pressure to Do It Properly.
And when I feel like I have to do things properly, it makes it feel like I can’t start it because I don’t want to do it wrong and so there’s no point in doing it.
(Logically, I know there’s no way to ‘do’ my own blog ‘wrong’ – that’s just how the brain feels in these situations).

Added to that, I’ve started the second year of my degree and have been struggling a little bit. I’ve been finding it hard to get motivated to study, and had my confidence knocked by getting a low grade in my first assignment – caused by misunderstanding the question. Being a distance-learning degree, there’s a lot of reading, the more I struggle with this the more difficulty I have reading for pleasure because that voice in the back of my brain yells at me every time I pick up a book that isn’t for school that I should be studying.

I have started reading again in the last week or so, I picked 4 or 5 of the books I was reading and tried to focus on those and have actually nearly finished a couple of them. Woohoo.

But the combination of all of these things, I haven’t been able to figure out how to come back to blogging. And the longer it’s gone on, the harder it’s become to open up that new blog post window and start typing. It ended up becoming this big thing in my head that I didn’t know how to breach.

Obviously, writing this post, I DO want to come back and start blogging about books again. And that’s the thing. I want to blog about books and reading, rather than writing a ‘traditional’ book review blog. I love sharing my love for the books I’m reading and geeking out about them, and enthusing about books. I’m definitely learning I don’t enjoy writing ‘proper’ book reviews, but I do enjoy my paragraph long drive-by reviews. I love doing the weekly link-ups, they’re probably my favourite thing. I just need to figure out how I’m going to make this work for me – because I really do want to find my rhythm, because I really really enjoy being here.

life

One embarassed Llama asking for help

I really hate to have to ask, but I’m in need of some financial help. I’m completely aware that the world is a dumpster fire right now and times are tough for everyone. So asking is horrible and I hate it.

My 10 year old car’s brakes aren’t great. He needs new brake pads and disks. The best quote I’ve got is Ā£249. I am agoraphobic, he’s my lifeline and one of the few places I feel safe in.

I also need Ā£280 worth of dental work. This is work that’s needed doing for about a decade, but I keep putting it off because I’m terrified of dentists. But it’s now got to the point where I NEED the work done – before I lose the rest of the teeth I have left.

I can cover one. Or the other. But it’ll wipe me out completely – empty my meagre savings and max out my credit card. I know times are tough for everyone right now. The world is a dumpster fire. I know. But if you can please spare even Ā£5, to help Eliot get new brakes and to help a llama get their smile back it would be appreciated more than you could know!

https://gofund.me/af4af066

book reviews · life

A Quick Catch Up

So, the news in brief and some reading roundups are

The not-COVID I had at the beginning of the month? Yeah, it turned out to actually be COVID. Li and I were both pretty sick for about 10 days, and completely exhausted for about another week. I still get fatigued pretty quickly but thankfully we were both triple vaxxed and survived in once piece.

I got my module result for this year of my degree – for A112 Cultures I received a distinction. 86%! As you can imagine, I am over the freaking moon. So that’s my first academic year complete, 120 credits. Only another 4 modules to go, starting in October with A229 Exploring The Classical World

I’ve been playing a lot of Stardew Valley, and Star Trek: Timelines. Li managed to bring home a Wii the other day, I rediscovered my Game Boy Advance, and we’ve also set up my old SNES. There has been much retro gaming and it has been wonderful.

Of course, a lot of gaming, a slight complete addiction to Pointless, and introducing Li to the Bridgerton Netflix show has meant I haven’t done a huge amount of reading lately. The bookx I have read recently:

Matt Haig – Reasons To Stay Alive
3/5, memoir, mental health, non-fiction, psychology
Bizarrely, as much as I thoroughly enjoyed the other couple of Haig’s books, this one didn’t gel with me. I found it a little too self-help-y, a little too twee. I didn’t connect with it and felt it bringing me down, rather than uplifting me.

Mary Beard – How Do We Look / The Eye of Faith
4/5, art history, history, non-fiction, philosophy, religion
Very interesting, would have liked it to have gone a little more in-depth in a couple of places but I do love her descriptions of the art and places she’s visited and writes about, and it helps bring it to life for me. Her passion also shines through

Mira Grant – Parasite
5/5, horror, medical, science-fiction, thriller
OMG y’all, I could not put this down. It had been on my TBR for ages, finally got it out of the library and sat and read the whole thing in one afternoon. I was reacting outloud and flailing and squeaking at Li… who picked it up as soon as I finished it, also read it in one sitting – falling asleep at like 1am!

My reserves of Symbiont and Chimera have just come in and oh yes, I will be starting Symbiont tomorrow!

Holly Black – Tithe
3.5/, faeries, paranormal, urban-fantasy, young-adult
This one is very much a case of ‘I liked it, but…’ – I was disappointed, really. It was enjoyable enough but there was something missing. It was a little predictable in places, the characters needed a little more rounding and the pacing was… hmm… uneven. And even though there are more books in the series, I don’t care enough to see if the library even has them.

Melanie Cantor – Life and Other Happy Endings
3/5, chick-lit, family, friends, library, read, romance

Such a weird read, and literally lost starts with every section of the story. So it started off as this great 5-star read about a woman who found out she had 3 months to live and was telling people the things she wanted to tell them etc… only then she wasn’t dying because of a test result mix-up, and she was back to being trodden over… only then she was pregnant and yawn. She was way more interesting when she thought she was dying!

Joanna Hickson – First Of The Tudors
4/5, historical-fiction

We’ve covered my love for all things War Of The Roses, yes? And this was no exception! The story centers around Jasper Tudor, his wardship of young Henry Tudor and his relationship with Margaret Beaufort, and the intricacies of the Yorkists, Lancastrians, Tudors, and Warwick The Kingmaker. I will be checking out more of Hickson’s work – she has other stories set in the time period.

Which brings me on to what I’m currently reading:

life

A Quick Catchup

Apologies for the lack of posting over the last week or so – I have been an exhausted Cassie. A huge project I’ve been involved in at work has completely imploded and I’m picking up debris left, right and centre. It’s been a month or so, and it’s going to be at least another month or so. Shit officially hit the fan and meetings are involving senior management (so I’m hoping that means some of the problems are going to be fixed but I’m not holding my breath).

School is also going fantastically. I got 81% for my English Literature assignment which was an essay on Twelfth Night and one on Jane Eyre. My feedback says ‘You have communicated your ideas, knowledge and understanding effectively using your own words. Your answer is reasonably well-structured with a good referencing and there is clear evidence of generally sound essay-writing skills.’ so as you can imagine I am beaming.
Next up is a short story of 900 words – we’re given 3 first lines to write, annoyingly all in first person so I’m thinking I’m going to write two versions: one following the first person, and one twisting it so I can write in third person. I’m not worried about that taking too long because in the free writing exercises we’ve been doing, I’ve been writing about 400 words in 15 minutes. The reflective commentary, on the other hand… ugh!

But what it does mean that by the time I’ve worked, cooked and studied, I am utterly exhausted and just flooping on the couch with a book. And, because I’m stressed, my ADHD is acting like a little bitch and I am starting a ridiculous number of books. I do seem to have started to settle on reading Bill Bryson – The Body: A Guide For Occupants and Sarah Penner

I have managed to finish a few lately though:3/5
Matt Haig – The Comfort Book – 4/5
Philip K Dick – The Impossible Planet – 4/5
Alok Vaid-Menon – Beyond The Gender Binary – 4.5/5
Edward Monkton – I Love You – 5/5
Carmen Parets Luque – A Handful Of Buttons – 3/5
Rob Jackson & Ricardo Gattas-Moras – The Rainbow Bee – 5/5
Mini-reviews to follow once I have more brain, probably next week after I’ve submitted my assignment